I.
Reactions bigger than the moment
A pause, a tone or a lukewarm text lands like an old verdict. Some part of you knows the reaction is too big, and it still arrives faster than you can catch it.
Schema Therapy for Couples · Online Across Ontario
Schema Therapy for Couples in Ontario
Schema therapy for couples, when the fight feels older than the relationship itself. Ghazal combines it with Emotionally Focused Therapy, so each of you can see the pattern you brought in and how it gets triggered between you. Online across Ontario, in English or Farsi.
Ghazal is currently booking by waitlist (3–4 weeks).
Ghazal Sheikhtaheri
Founder & Clinical Director
RP (Qualifying) · CRPO #21300
What It Can Help With
When schema therapy for couples tends to help.
II.
When your wound meets theirs
Each old pattern has its own sentence: they will leave, they will betray me, if they see the real me, they will turn away. Even very loving partners can press on those places in each other without meaning to, and then the two patterns start answering each other. Neither of you is the villain: you are both caught in a loop your nervous systems know by heart.
III.
Feeling unseen, even when they're trying
Your partner is making an effort, and it still doesn't reach you. Sometimes what gets in the way is an old conviction that no one will ever really understand what you need.
IV.
Family, culture and migration
Family involvement, expectations around gender roles and the strain of starting over in a new country can press on old patterns. Here you can bring all of it, in English, Farsi or a mix of both.
In Ghazal's Words
Two histories, one cycle.
Ghazal Sheikhtaheri, RP (Qualifying)
My primary modality is Schema Therapy, with advanced training through the CASMH Health Institute in Germany. With couples, I also draw on Emotionally Focused Therapy, to help each of you move gently beneath the protective layer of an argument and reach the vulnerable feeling it covers. The deeper patterns, the schemas, were usually shaped long before the relationship began, and in a couple they catch on each other, often in the same painful loop.
Many of the couples I work with can already tell me what they should do differently. The next argument still goes the old way. That is not a failure of effort: it usually means the reaction comes from somewhere further back than this relationship, and that is where I would like us to look.
Couples therapy is not a courtroom. What I listen for is the loop the two of you keep landing in, and the older hurt each of you carries into it, so that you can both own your part without either of you being made the problem. You can be responsible for your impact, and deserving of compassion for what shaped you.
I practise in English and Farsi, and I often work with couples from the Iranian community, which is my own community too. Loyalty to family, the roles expected of a husband or a wife, and the things that could never be said at home are often part of the schemas themselves, not just background. We work at your pace, always.
What a Session Looks Like
From the fight in front of you to where it began.
Every couple is different, and the order isn't fixed. Sessions are 60 or 90 minutes, usually weekly, by secure video, in English, Farsi or a mix of both; many couples choose the longer format when the conversations go deep. You need a private room and a steady connection, and the two of you can sit together in front of one screen.
I.
A free 15-minute call
You're welcome to book a free 15-minute call with me. Just a conversation to see if working together feels right. It can be by video or phone, and both partners are welcome on the call, or just one. I'm currently booking by waitlist (3–4 weeks), and my calendar shows the actual times.
II.
The whole picture
In the first sessions I want to understand your relationship as a whole: how it began, the good chapters and the hard ones, and what brought you in now. I ask about each partner's individual experience too, because a couple is not a single unit; it is two people whose inner worlds meet, overlap, and sometimes collide. At the start, we go through what stays confidential and where the limits are.
III.
Finding the schemas in the fight
Often we start from something recent: an argument about texting, money, the dishes or the in-laws. We slow it down and listen for the sentence underneath it, something like I don't matter to you or I am alone in this. From there we name the schemas each of you carries, such as abandonment, mistrust or emotional deprivation, and the ways you cope when one is touched: pressing for reassurance, going quiet, attacking first, or giving in. Then we look at how your two patterns set each other off, which Schema Couple Therapy calls schema chemistry.
IV.
Tracing it back
Those sentences usually rest on older beliefs, such as if I speak up, I'll be abandoned or if I'm not perfect, I'm not lovable. We follow each belief back to where it first took shape, usually long before this relationship. The work is both thinking and feeling: understanding where a pattern began, and feeling what it was there to protect.
V.
Over time
Gradually, we strengthen what schema therapy calls the Healthy Adult: the part of each of you that can feel an old wound being touched without being swept away by it. The aim is to notice the old pattern as it starts, so there is room to choose a different response. Therapy doesn't come with guarantees; we check in regularly on how it is going and decide on the pace together.
An Honest Fit
Is this the right work for the two of you?
It may suit you if
- It doesn't matter what the argument is about: you always end up in the same place.
- You have tried communication tools, or couples therapy before, and the old reaction still wins.
- You want to understand where each reaction comes from, not only what to say next time, and you are ready for work that goes slower and deeper.
- Culture, migration or family expectations are part of the pattern, and you want that understood rather than set aside.
- You are both willing to look at your own history, not only your partner's.
- You're quietly wondering whether it's too late for your relationship, and you'd like an honest space to find out, without a promise either way.
Something else may fit better if
- You'd prefer to meet face to face. Every session is online, by secure video.
- One of you is afraid of the other, or violence or control is part of the relationship right now. Safety comes first, and it deserves specialized help. Couples therapy works when both partners can speak honestly without fear. If that isn't true for you, book the free consultation with me on your own and tell me privately; I'll talk with you about what kind of support fits. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
- You want someone to decide who is right. I won't take that role: the work is to understand the cycle between you, with accountability in both directions.
- You'd rather work on the cycle as it happens now than on where each of you learned it. Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples works on that cycle directly.
- Your partner isn't ready to come, or the pattern is mostly yours to work on. Individual schema therapy may fit better, and it can help you shift the dynamic from your side.
You may recognize yourselves on both lists. The free consultation can help us work that out together, and you will get an honest answer from me, even if it points to a different kind of help. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7. You can ask 988 for an interpreter. میتوانید از ۹۸۸ درخواست مترجم کنید.
In Farsi
طرحوارهدرمانی زوجین، به فارسی
من غزل شیخطاهری هستم، بنیانگذار و مدیر بالینی نورمایندز، و بیش از ده سال است که با افراد و زوجها کار میکنم. رویکرد اصلی من طرحوارهدرمانی است و در کار با زوجها آن را با درمان هیجانمدار ترکیب میکنم. بیشتر زوجهایی که پیش من میآیند از دوست داشتن همدیگر دست نکشیدهاند؛ گرفتار الگویی شدهاند که بارها و بارها تکرار میشود. هر دوی شما طرحوارههایی را با خودتان به این رابطه آوردهاید که معمولا سالها پیش از آشناییتان شکل گرفتهاند، و در جلسهها با هم میبینیم این الگوها چطور یکدیگر را فعال میکنند.
زوجدرمانی دادگاه نیست و من قرار نیست تعیین کنم حق با کیست. جلسهها فقط آنلاین و در سراسر انتاریو برگزار میشوند، به فارسی، انگلیسی یا ترکیبی از هر دو؛ لازم نیست هر دوی شما فارسی صحبت کنید. در حال حاضر برای نوبتهای جدید، لیست انتظار من ۳ تا ۴ هفته است. میتوانید با هم در مشاورهی رایگان ۱۵ دقیقهای شرکت کنید، یا یکی از شما به تنهایی. همیشه با سرعت خودتان پیش میرویم.
Related Care
Explore related care
Schema Therapy in Ontario
Individual schema therapy with Ghazal, for long-standing patterns you would like to work on by yourself, or before your partner is ready.
Couples Therapy in Ontario
Start here if you're not sure yet which kind of couples work you want: the practice's general page, with fees and common questions.
Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
The method page for Emotionally Focused Therapy: the cycle between you as it happens now, and the softer feelings underneath it.
Farsi Couples Therapy
For Persian and Iranian couples: working in Farsi, and what Iranian couples often bring to therapy.
Ghazal Sheikhtaheri, RP (Qualifying)
Ghazal's profile: her training in Iran, Canada and Germany, her approach, and a short video in her own words.
When Love Isn't the Problem
Ghazal's longer article on Schema Couple Therapy: schema chemistry, coping modes and the Healthy Adult.
When Should Couples Start Therapy?
Ghazal on what happens in a first couples session, and the old beliefs under the argument.
Why We Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns
Ghazal on what a schema is, and why the same hurt keeps finding you in a different relationship.
Therapy Cost & Insurance in Ontario
Fees, receipts and what to ask your insurer, including about the RP (Qualifying) designation.
Fees
Straightforward and stated upfront
Free15-min consultation
$225Couples · 60 min
$350Couples · 90 min
Insurance receipts provided after every session, and separate receipts can be issued for each partner where plans allow. Many extended health plans cover psychotherapy with a Registered Psychotherapist. Ghazal holds the Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) designation, which some plans reimburse the same way and some do not, so please confirm before your first session with her.
Questions
Common questions
What is schema therapy for couples?
Schema therapy for couples, also called Schema Couple Therapy, brings Jeffrey Young's schema therapy model into couples work. Schemas are deep emotional patterns, usually formed in childhood or adolescence when core emotional needs were not reliably met, and they keep shaping how you react in close relationships. In a couple, each partner's schemas interact with the other's and can lock into a repeating loop, which this approach calls schema chemistry. The work is to see that loop, understand where each side of it began, and strengthen the part of each of you that can respond differently.
What if my partner isn't ready to come?
Then one of you can start. Whoever is ready can book the free 15-minute consultation with Ghazal alone and ask what the work would involve. The couples sessions need you both, because the work happens where your two sets of schemas meet. Until your partner is ready, individual schema therapy with Ghazal uses the same model with one person: you learn to recognize your own schemas and coping modes as they start, and when one partner's patterns change, the loop between you often changes too.
How is it different from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
The two overlap, and Ghazal combines them. Both look beneath the surface of an argument (the anger, criticism or withdrawal) for the softer feeling it protects, such as fear, loneliness or shame. Emotionally Focused Therapy works mainly with the negative cycle you are caught in now, and with building emotional safety between you. Schema therapy adds a second question: where each of you learned your part of that cycle, usually long before you met. If that present-day cycle is what you want to work on, without going back to where it began, Emotionally Focused Therapy on its own may suit you better.
Do we have to talk about our childhoods?
Some, yes: schemas usually form early, and understanding where a pattern began is part of the work. But you don't start there. The first sessions build a picture of your relationship as it is, and the work goes at a pace that feels safe for both of you.
Can we have sessions in Farsi if only one of us speaks it?
Yes. Ghazal works in English and Farsi (فارسی), online across Ontario, and you don't both need to speak Farsi. A session can switch languages whenever you need it to, because a feeling is often easiest to reach in the language it first lived in, and for two partners that may not be the same language. If one of you doesn't speak Farsi, Ghazal brings the conversation back to a language you both follow.
How much does it cost, and is it covered?
Couples sessions are $225 for 60 minutes or $350 for 90 minutes, after a free 15-minute consultation; individual sessions are $180 for 60 minutes. Psychotherapy with a Registered Psychotherapist in private practice is not covered by OHIP, but many extended health plans cover it. Ghazal holds the Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) designation, which some plans reimburse the same way and some do not, so please confirm before your first session with her. “Qualifying” is the category the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO) uses for registrants practising under clinical supervision while completing the final requirements for full registration, the standard entry route in Ontario. NoorMinds does not currently offer direct insurance billing: you pay for each session and submit the receipt to your plan. Receipts are provided after every session, and separate receipts can be issued for each partner where plans allow. You don't need a referral to start, although some plans ask for one before they reimburse.
How soon can we start, and how long does it take?
Ghazal is currently booking by waitlist (3–4 weeks); booking a free 15-minute consultation with her online is the quickest way to see actual times. Deeper schema work often benefits from longer engagement than a focused short-term course, and how long it takes depends on what you are working on and how deep the patterns run. There is no set number of sessions and no minimum commitment: you and Ghazal review how it is going together and decide on the pace.
What if one of us is in crisis?
Therapy is for ongoing support, not emergencies, and calls and messages to NoorMinds aren’t monitored for emergencies. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7.
Next Step
Ready to look at the pattern together?
Book a free 15-minute consultation with Ghazal, together or on your own. No commitment, no pressure.
Book with GhazalOr call (647) 699-5142 · WhatsApp · Email
Calls and messages aren’t monitored for emergencies. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7.